Rest
by hopefulfeathers
Summary: An August OQ Angst entry, using prompts #6, #1, #35, #48, #42, #41, Just as he saved her, she saved him (OQ AU) ((TRIGGER WARNING inside))


**This is my first entry for OQ August Angst, using prompts 6, 1, 35, 48, 42, 41. It is an AU. No magic or curses involved.**

 **I will warn you that there is a TRIGGER WARNING for this** **oneshot for a CHARACTER DEATH and attempted suicide. Please proceed with caution.**

* * *

The night is young when eyelids begin to droop, exhaust proving to be far too heavy a burden to carry, even at this early hour. So Robin falls asleep, drifting off into the dream world to the distant chatter of mindless television. He had been watching a cooking show. A nice pasta alla vongole, speckled with a cheerfully green parsley garnish, was being served in a pearly white platter to four vigilant judges. It is as they take their first crucial bite that Robin slips off silently into a peaceful nothingness, a limbo of sorts, before dreams then begin to roll in silently like clouds against a bright blue sky.

Morning after somewhat of a fitful night's sleep, and Robin opens his eyes to find the sun's rays peeking through the blinds and casting small pools of light around the bedroom. Outside, a cardinal chirps a soft melodic tune that enters a bit too noisily and reverberates far too acutely on awakening eardrums. Blinking twice to clear the cloud of sleep from his hazy blue eyes, Robin turns his head to the right and meets the chocolate eyes of his beloved. They remain fixed upon him, searching him in that subtle yet profound way that they always do, reaching past his orbs and into the very depths of his mind. She stares quietly, a hand pressed beneath her cheek as she surveys his weary demeanor.

"Sleep well?" She asks, that deep richness of her voice reaching out to him and enveloping him like a warm blanket.

Robin smiles weakly. With a shake of his head, he stretches out his hand and makes contact with the softness of her cheek. Olive-toned skin is like velvet under his fingers. "As well as any other day lately," he admits, his voice a low whisper.

His love gives him a sympathetic smile, turning her head to press a tender kiss to the pad of his pointer finger. It's then that she's lifting herself from the sheets and Robin gets a glimpse of her taut stomach. Her shirt would always manage to ride up in her sleep. He watches as she stretches her lithe body, the t-shirt slipping back down over her shapely form the moment she presses her arms towards the ceiling.

"Come on," she is then beckoning him with one of her playfully mischievous smirks, "Up! It's grocery day."

Her name is Regina Mills and she was different from the rest. She carried the weight of her past, a dead father and an abusive mother, all in the depths of her heart. Locked away in its secret chambers were the hurt and anguish of a wasted childhood and a life lived all for the sake of a mother who simply wouldn't take no for an answer—no matter what the cost. Damned be that woman who said that she loved her. The moment Robin met Regina, he saw the pain that swirled within the darkness of her orbs. He saw her as she was standing with half of her body leaning over the railing above a rushing river. "Don't you dare die on me," he begged her, his heart knocking against his chest, "You have so much more to live for." With her tears streaming down her puffy cheeks, nose pink, Regina looked at him helplessly, hopelessly. In the silence with nothing but the coursing waters below, Robin could almost hear her heart begin to crack. He could see in those eyes the want, the need, the desire to hold onto something. "Give me a chance," so he said. Thus Robin gave her himself. And just as he'd saved her, she saved him.

"Do you have the list?" Regina calls.

Robin nods, shoving the small piece of paper into the pocket of his hoodie. He takes one last swig of coffee and deposits the near-empty mug into the sink to join with a handful of dishes and a soaking pasta pot, all from the night before…and the night before that.

"You know you really gotta learn to do the dishes _when_ you're actually done with them," Regina chastises, "That way they won't pile up—I've told you this before. You know you're an awful listener, Robin."

Robin snorts, rolling his eyes lightly as he grabs the keys to his Ford. "You knew I was when you married me," he quips as he heads out the door, her laughter following close behind.

The sun is bright this morning, not a cloud in the sky. Robin makes his way towards a small vintage green truck, a vehicle that has most certainly seen better days. Yet, he can't quite bring himself to sell the thing.

There's not many cars on the road, though that is usually the case on an early Saturday morning in this one-horse town. He could very well have walked to the grocery store that lies just about mile and a half down the road, but lugging heavy grocery bags (even though he doesn't have that much on the list) is just more unnecessary suffering that Robin would rather live without. Also—

"Don't forget to stop on the way back too," Regina reminds, as if she can read his mind, "You know what day it is."

Robin glances at her strapped in beside him with an easy smile on her rouged lips. Her raven dark hair billows in the breeze of the open window, dancing about the striking features of her face. Her eyes are sparkling and her skin is positively radiant in the sun. Oh how he loves to admire her in his truck like this. He's always loved the look, ever since they were but teenagers. Even now, she has never looked more stunning.

"Of course I'll remember," Robin replies with a breath, "How could I forget?"

He continues to cruise down the road at a comfortable 20 miles per hour. Quaint little houses slide on by, all with either perfectly trimmed hedges lining their front yards or impeccably white picket fences to mark off each square of their territory. The consistent neatness of each home should place some kind of a shame on Robin due to his lack of ability in keeping up with his own front lawn. As a result of his negligence, his once immaculate white fence has unfortunately turned to a pasty gray with its paint chipping in a number of places. It all would be much to Regina's chagrin—just another thing she would pick on him for.

The grocery store is a small one, but it stocks all that Robin needs. He has never been one so keen on buying so much food that he can hardly fit it in the refrigerator when he gets home. Regina would be the complete opposite.

"Why don't you get this?" Regina asks, holding up a package of lean ground beef. "It's been a while since you've had a nice burger or something."

Robin shakes his head. "No, you know I'm fine with just some stir fry." He tosses a pack of frozen broccoli into the shopping cart.

"But you eat it all the time," Regina protests, "Robin, you need to add some variety to your diet. It's not healthy. You're going to make yourself sick."

"Stir fry is healthy," Robin defends while holding up a package of peas, "See? Vegetables."

Regina stares at him, tilting her head down as if scolding a little kid. "You need _protein_ Robin. A little red meat won't kill you." She lifts her head back up and presses her brows together in a plea. "Please have a burger tonight," she pouts in the most adorable way that Robin knows he cannot resist, "You know I love burgers."

Robin looks at her for a moment, the look in her wide dark eyes and the purse of her lips effectively cracking his resolve. And he heaves a heavy sigh. "Fine," Robin grumbles with great reluctance. He grabs the beef and begrudgingly tosses it into the cart. The winning smile on her face is worth it.

"Don't forget the cheese," Regina adds excitedly, "Oh, and the lettuce. I think you've got one tomato left at home from David's garden." Right, David. The man is so kind for his weekly donations of fresh produce from his garden.

"All right, all right, Your Majesty," Robin groans as he heads off to gather said items, "Anything else you want?"

Regina rolls her eyes beside him. "Very funny, Robin. Just please get the stuff. And some milk too. You always forget to put it on the list and then regret it when you get home and realize your mistake."

Obediently, Robin does as she says. It's a few trips in circles around the store as he moves to collect the things that Regina specifies before he is referring back to his list. Eggs, cereal, pasta, bottled sauce, bread, butter, and then he's got it all. Robin moves swiftly towards the refrigerated section once again to grab the eggs.

"It's so easy," Regina sighs, staring at him through the glass of the open door as Robin reaches on the other side into the cooler to grab a carton of eggs. "All of this is just so easy to cook… What happened to the complicated meals you used to make? The baked salmon? Your delicious beef stew?"

Robin avoids eye contact as he closes the refrigerator door and adds the eggs to his collection. "I don't know," he responds with a defeated sigh and sag of his shoulders, "I guess I've just been too tired."

"You've been too tired because you let yourself be that way," Regina admonishes gently, her voice like that of a mother's. "You know I hate it when I see you like this, and it's been going on for far too long. I just—" she shakes her head, "—I wish you'd just talk to me."

"What's there to talk about?" Robin snaps abruptly, the words bitter on his tongue, "You made your choice."

"You know, I had no choice."

"You always do, Regina. You always have a choice."

Her eyes flash dangerously. "Do you think for one moment I would have let you…" She can't even bring herself to say it. "I couldn't. I just couldn't." She wraps her arms protectively around her chest, her gaze pointing down at the floor. It's something she would do in deep distress.

Robin shakes his head. Stepping forward, he reaches towards her and lifts her chin with his finger, registering the pain in her eyes matching that of his mixed within his own orbs. "I love you, Regina. And I know you love me," he confesses with a lump in his throat. The words threaten to choke him, cracking apart his voice as easily as one would an eggshell. "But… I think you love me too much. What you've done. You don't deserve this. I do."

"It's not your fault, Robin," Regina whispers, tears welling up in her eyes. Her voice begins to shake. "It's not. My mother. She was going to…"

"Shhh," Robin comforts, stroking her cheek. How he hates seeing her so upset. "Don't say it. I just… I should have known. I should have gotten us farther away. After all those years, I thought we were safe." He feels a small tear of his own slip from his eyes and burn a path down his cheek. "I just should have known," he grits through clenched teeth, feeling that all too familiar anger emerge once again.

"No," Regina says with a shake of her head, "You never would have seen her coming. She's like that, quick in the shadows. She'll stop at nothing. It was only a matter of time. We were _never_ safe."

"I know but," Robin closes his eyes, "I had so much hope, Regina… I had so much."

"And you can have it again," Regina insists. Robin feels the gentle warmth of her hand on his cheek, the pads of her thumb swiping over his stubble. "You gave me hope once," she says as he opens his eyes. She gazes into the blueness of his orbs with her eyes shining with held tears, tears held strong just for him. "And if you could find a way for someone like me to believe in hope again, you can do the same for yourself." She then steps back and brushes away the faint trail of tears on her dampened cheeks with the back of her hand. With a sigh, Regina composes herself in a way that always fascinates Robin. Her strength is unfathomable. She clears her throat, stating, "Now," as she lifts her chin and offers him a smile, "You can start on a bit of hope, by going to pay for all that good stuff I asked you to buy."

At her surprisingly firm command, Robin can't help but let out a small laugh despite his current emotions. "Great, because spending more money makes me so much more hopeful." He shakes his head, a small smirk peeking its way through his downturned lips as he pushes the shopping cart back towards the front of the store. He grabs the rest of what he needs on the way back.

"Wait!" Regina suddenly calls, and Robin halts. Looking to his right, he sees his love standing by the shop's flower station. "What about flowers?" She asks, "You know I love morning glories."

With a small smile, Robin heads over to the stand and swipes up a bouquet of the beautiful royal purple flowers. He throws in a bit of lavender as well. It's not the typical bouquet. But then again, Regina is not the typical woman.

"How's this?" Robin asks.

Regina beams at him. "Perfect."

After all tasks now completed, Robin makes his way towards the couple of registers. Thankfully, there's no line and he gets through quickly. Upon gathering up his bags of items (a bit heavier than usual due to Regina's burger request), he exits the store and makes the short trek back to his awaiting truck. Because there is no backseat, Robin has no choice but to put the newly bought groceries in the front passenger seat next to him.

With every bag loaded in, he then starts up the truck. Its old engine coughs back to life. He _really_ should think about getting a new one.

The wind has started to pick up as Robin makes his way back down the road towards home. He has just one more stop to make on the way. Looking towards the bouquet of flowers that rests on the passenger seat, he can't help but smile softly. They are perfect. He remembers those days when he courted her, tried to woo her as much as he could with the most brilliant colored and sweetest smelling flowers. The look in her eyes said it all. He need not try as hard as he did. For she already was his.

"Remembering the good old days?" Regina asks softly and Robin finds himself looking once more into tender brown eyes.

He sighs through his nose, glancing between the road and his beloved as he glumly responds a wistful, "Yes."

"I remember it all, you know," she continues gently as she then focuses her eyes on the road ahead, "I remember my heart leaping to my throat every time you dared to throw those pebbles at my window, the pure excitement in seeing you again. I remember the lake and how rebellious we felt running into it naked as the day we were born, splashing around, not having a care in the world."

Robin chuckles sadly. "I remember that too," he murmurs, "It was a full moon. We sat on the river's banks and counted the fireflies…"

"And when we tired of that, we counted the stars…"

"You would always lose track at thirty…"

"And you would always get distracted with the shapes you tried to make by connecting them."

Robin shakes his head slowly, pressing his lips together. "That was the night you told me you loved me," his voice is barely a whisper.

Regina smiles warmly at him, reaching over to lay a soft hand on his thigh.

"It was the happiest night of my life," Robin utters, a new bout of tears threatening to escape. "Having you there with me… never wanting to let you go. Ever." He shakes his head again.

"But you still have me, Robin," Regina whispers in reassurance as she tightly grasps Robin's free hand.

Robin slows the truck, rolling to a stop right in the middle of the vacant road. He turns to his love with a slight frown as he continues to feel his hand in her palm. It feels so real. It just _feels_ so real.

"You'll always have me," Regina continues, her voice a breath of life and warmth upon his bleak soul. She moves her hand from his and places it firmly to his chest. "Right here. In your heart."

Robin closes his eyes. Silence befalls the space inside the truck, only disturbed by the breath that flows from Robin's lips: a reminder that he is alive, and that with life, comes hope. The pressure of her hand against his chest begins to fade until Robin opens his eyes and sees nothing but the bouquet of flowers laid just as they had been before.

"Regina…" Robin whispers her name, but to no avail. All he is left with is the beating of his own heart and breath of his own lungs.

With a deep sigh, Robin starts once again down the road, driving numbly towards his intended destination: a small local cemetery tucked away in the corner of the town park. An orchard of trees shade the graveyard from the rest of the land, giving it a respectful privacy for the dead and those who come to visit and reflect. Leaves crunch lightly underneath the treading of Robin's boots as he makes his way over the green and through the throng of trees. In the clearing at the center lie the graves, as peaceful as can be. Some appear old and beaten, the years not having been kind to stones that once shone in the sun. Others are new, polished and adorned with arrays of flowers, candles, and even small mementos. Cards and ribbons flap in the wind, dangerously close to being snatched up by the forceful breeze that passes through. It ruffles Robin's hair as he heads wordlessly towards the very back of the small space, mindful of not stepping on any of the gifts brought in honor of the deceased. The bouquet is clenched firmly in his hand.

Twenty paces and he passes the couple laid to rest side by side, their headstones identical. Ten more paces and he passes the young boy who passed away from a deadly illness. He was only fourteen. Five more paces and Robin comes to stop beneath an apple tree, its branches heavy with fruit. And there, she lies.

 _Regina Mills_. _Beloved wife, strong, courageous, beautiful._

No amount of words on an epitaph could describe the woman he loves, the woman he lost. As Robin closes his eyes, he can still picture it all in his mind. He can still hear the screaming of her mother, the vile words spat from the woman's twisted lips. He can still see the gun pointed directly at him, can still feel the pounding of his heart so fast and so hard that he thought it would truly leap from his chest. He can still hear Regina's cry as it rang in his ears. The blur of movement so fast that he could hardly comprehend what was happening. The bone chilling crack that sliced through the air. The spray of blood. The weight of her body in his arms as he caught her fall. The last breath from her lips as she died held tightly in his arms. The way her eyes closed, never to be opened again. He didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. The pain was inconceivable. So was the throbbing of his entire soul, in agony over the loss of the only woman he had ever loved. And no amount of sympathy or kindness could ever give repose.

Robin squeezes his eyes tighter, letting out a soft sob as he leans onto the tombstone. The pain too hard to bear, he crumbles to the ground. The coldness of the grave presses against his cheek as he leans up against it, weeping silently but fervently.

Sinking further onto the ground, he curls himself in front of the stone with the bouquet, as close as he could possibly get to his lost love. It's when he closes his eyes that the pain only intensifies, for behind his lids he can see nothing but the image of his beloved Regina laid dying in his arms, seared upon his mind. But somewhere in the midst of that anguish, the frantic cry for help, the desperate plea for her to come back, and the mere exhaustion of it all, comes the soothing touch of gentle hands stroking his cheek and combing through his hair. And the soft whispered words, the voice of an angel, _his_ angel, bids echoing in his mind.

"Rest, Robin. Rest, my love. You need to rest, and I'll be right here… I'll be right here."


End file.
